Filed under: Life
What to do when you feel like you never have enough.
How to Dance with Time
Time is relative.
It can be long or short depending on your perspective and treatment of it.
If you believe there's not enough time, you will likely behave in ways that confirm this belief.
If you believe there's ample time, you will likely stretch it out even more.
The question is: which belief is more empowering?
For many years, I believed there was never enough time. This caused me to live my life as one giant rush or put so much pressure on myself to maximize this scarce resource. Both led to anxiety, subpar results, and disappointment whenever I felt like I didn't use my time well.
It also caused me to feel like it was too late to change paths and learn new things.
Can you relate?
On the other end, you can believe there is plenty of time.
I was scared of adopting this belief, because I thought it was going to hinder my drive to get things done. As shown in the power of deadlines, when people think there is much time left, they don't act. They put off important decisions to let go and change.
So, considering how both beliefs can be limiting, what do we do? How do we build an empowering relationship with time?
You have time.
You have lots of time.
We are given 8,760 hours a year.
We are given one of the longest lifespans in the animal kingdom.
But, somehow, we always feel like we're short on time. Like the hourglass has been duped, bleeding out sand through extra holes we can't see.
If you're feeling this, know you are not alone. It's one of the most common feelings out there. It used to govern my life.
So I wanted to devote today's distillation to our relationship with time and recommend ways to feel like you have more of it.
Leaning into the Relativity of Time
Leaning into the
Relativity of Time
My Choice:
The Middle Path
My Choice: The Middle Path
I have found my own way: one that lies in the middle. I choose to believe there's an abundance of time, but I also know what a sheer miracle and privilege it is to be alive.
In other words, my perspective of ample time is pegged by the humility for death.
This allows me to savor my life, while simultaneously not wasting my time.
It creates a healthy pressure to show up, but also allow things to ripen in their full power and beauty.
It gives me kind margin to accomplish my goals, but also not too much so there's no drive.
If you feel like you're wasting time, I recommend learning about the odds of your existence. When you are in touch with all the things that had to come together for your life, you won't feel like wasting your time anymore.
Same goes when you welcome the reminder of your inevitable death, whose timing is a mystery. It can happen tomorrow. It can happen in three years. Reaching the average lifespan is not a guarantee.
What is a guarantee is that time devoid of meaning accumulates and catches up in painful regret.
What would your dying self want you to do now?
“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested.
But when it is wasted in heedless luxury and spent on no good activity, we are forced at last by death’s final constraint to realize that it has passed away before we knew it was passing.
So it is: we are not given a short life but we make it short, and we are not ill-supplied but wasteful of it… Life is long if you know how to use it.”
We often feel like we're at the mercy of time, but what I've learned is you can lead the dance.
If you feel it's moving too slow, you can speed it up. If you feel like it's moving too fast, you can slow it down.
I'm guessing that you are likely more on the “not enough time” side of the spectrum, so here are four things you can do to slow down time.
1. Add time punctures.
While routine is good, I believe there needs to be a few punctures in this stream of doing from time to time. Otherwise, your days are going to blur.
You puncture time by disrupting your routine with targeted actions that bring unfamiliarity and contrast.
The way I like to do this is going on a weekend trip every four months or engaging in an immersive social event that contrasts with my usual solitude.
Contrast is key. If you are someone who is active and socially engaged, consider a time puncture that revolves around quiet and stillness. If this brings you out of your comfort zone, even better.
These punctures are like the rocks that slow down the rapids of time. They are like the line breaks that intercept the blurring flip book of your days.
2. Embed pockets of negative space into your day.
The most direct way to slow down time is to pause and be present.
For me, meditation is one of the most powerful ways to deepen time. The more I meditate, the more time I have.
However, I understand it's not for everyone. This is why I recommend embedding pockets of negative space, or non-doing, into your day.
What does this look like?
It could be looking at the open sherbet sky for 3 minutes in the morning. When you look, really look. Look as if it was your last day on earth.
It could be standing underneath a tree outside your office building for 2 mins, really taking in the scene as it is. Feel the moment as if it was your last.
It's not quantity that matters here, but quality given by your presence. The deeper your presence, the deeper your quality of time.
3. Do a time audit.
There is usually a large discrepancy between how we think we're spending our time and how we really are.
This is why I recommend doing a time audit: spend one week time-stamping all the things you do, from the time your alarm clock rings to the time you go to sleep.
Include every action, like brushing your teeth, scrolling on IG, and washing your dishes. The more you can document, the more accurate your time audit will be.
Then, do a review after 7 days by quantifying how much time was spent in each action category, like getting ready for the day and transitioning tasks. Turn these into percentages and see where your time is sneaking off to.
4. Live an aligned life.
More than just experiencing time as fast or slow, I think we all want to feel like we used our time well. That our time was meaningful.
For this, it is essential to live a life that's aligned with your true nature, gifts, and core values.
Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't take that long to re-align your life. And you can do it responsibly, while paying the bills and taking care of your family.
I've created all the steps for you in my Unravel program, which takes 12 weeks. It is the biggest shortcut out there to reclaim your unique life of joy and meaning, proven over and over again by people from all over the world.
We've had corporate managers and full-time working single parents complete this program and change their lives. It's designed to work with your busy schedule. Now, I also give you a year access to my community and support, so you have plenty of space to work through the material.
If you feel like your time is bleeding out, now is the time to take action. This is the gift that your future self will thank you for.
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Life is long if you know how to use it.
-Seneca
Life is long if you know how to use it.
-Seneca
The Journal
The Journal
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Notice how many flowers this tree created without rushing.
Notice how many flowers this tree created without rushing.
Time is a mirror- it reflects what you believe about it.
Time is a mirror- it reflects what you believe about it.
Parting Thoughts
Your relationship with time is shaped by how you treat it.
If you treat it as the most precious gift, it's going to return the favor.
As the Greek philosopher Seneca noted:
So tell me, how are you going to dance with time?
Thank you for reading today,
Dandan
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How to Dance with Time
How to Dance with Time
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